Treating our Sons and Daughters Equally - Portal Gems #48

Est. Read time: 3 min
Edition Number: 48
Adapted from: The Greatest Love Story: Zainab and Abul Aas (R)
Instructor: Shaykh Abdullah Waheed

Assalamu Alaykum,

Today’s gem is from Shaykh Abdullah Waheed’s course, The Greatest Love story: Zainab and Abul Aas (R). In this gem, Shaykh Abdullah discusses the double standard in the treatment of our sons and daughters.

Hope you enjoy!

We begin in the Name of Allah ﷻ, the Most Merciful and Compassionate,
We ask that He ﷻ sends Peace and Blessings upon our noble and beloved
Prophet Muhammad ﷺ

If you looked in the jahiliya society of the Arabs, they didn't appreciate daughters - forget daughters, they didn’t appreciate women. No respect, no inheritance. There were some exceptions like Khadijah (R). She was a businesswoman, successful, and from a rich family, Banu Assad, a very inquisitive tribe. The elites had their own code of conduct, but in the average society, they would not treat their daughters well.

This culture still exists in some parts of Hindu culture, and because of this it rubs onto neighboring cultures around that community. Still, in our Muslim society, whether we say it or not, there are extreme biases to boys. In Islam, the Prophet ﷺ said whoever treats their daughter and their son equal, I promise them Jannah.

Once, a father in my community was asked, "Where are you going?" 

He said, "I have my son's soccer game." He was so excited, he planned the whole weekend around it. I asked, "Does your daughter play soccer?" He said, "Yeah." I said, "Have you ever been this excited?" He's like, "No. She’s never going to join a soccer league or something." I said, "What do you mean? It's not about joining a league, this is about support."

The way we celebrate our children matter. 

Our son will come home with a B minus - “Vah, look at my son mashaAllah.” 

Meanwhile our daughter got a scholarship to Harvard - “Average…” 

Daughters have dental scholarships, daughters are successful. The son can hardly get out of bed at 10 A.M - “mashaAllah, he made it out of bed today. Well done my beta, you're going to be a hero!”

We celebrate our sons like they’ve done some great accomplishment in life, but daughters, “whatever they're going to get married. They're going to move on into another culture. I'm not going to have the benefits.”

Brothers and sisters we have to ask ourselves: what does Islam say?

May Allah ﷻ grant us tawfiq to treat our children equally.

أقول قولي هذا وأستغفر الله لي ولكم، فاستغفروه إنه هو الغفور الرحيم

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